I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
