Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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