Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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