The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
