A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
