just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
