i think my tv is drunk
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
