Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
