WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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