Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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