just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
