So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
