I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
