Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
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