i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
