if i can run in heels then i can drive
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I smell stomach acid.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
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