i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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