It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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