and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
