There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
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