xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
