so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
My liver is preforming stress tests.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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