i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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