dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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