Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Its about making memories worth repressing
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
