just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Randomize