Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
