Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
We are all done wearing pants today
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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