Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
