so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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