Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
