I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
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