Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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