Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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