butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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