the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
