She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
