god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
