I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
