Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
