Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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