The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Randomize
