I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
