i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
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