I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
