from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Randomize
