Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
