I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
