He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
