Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Randomize
