were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Randomize
