ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
