Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I will be naked everywhere
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize