he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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