so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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