no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
My boob is missing a layer of skin
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
