Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
