Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
