it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Randomize
