Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
