Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
