So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
