you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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