just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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