Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Randomize
