i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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