the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
