Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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