I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
