Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
