Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
