Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
