Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
