I understand why you refuse to be sober now
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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