I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
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