I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
