so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
