but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
