I just threw up on my dentist
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
