Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
