Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
