i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
