my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
