he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Randomize
