can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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