wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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