dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
