I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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