i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
