I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
