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I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
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