Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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